Principles of Dating and Courtship Part 5

When two people are attracted to each other, it is a chemical reaction that incites certain emotions. The wise thing to do when this happens would be to take an emotional step back and a mental step forward. To engage the brain instead of the emotions allows for logical reasoning and decisions. The attraction object can be evaluated based on his/her character instead of emotional response.

The tendency is to trust emotions because, supposedly, people know their hearts, needs, and tendencies. This is not the case, as the Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?” When they are ruling the show, these out-of-control emotions cause mental blindness. Serious faults and problems are overlooked because the guy/girl is not thinking and analyzing the relationship for its practicality and benefit.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?”

Jeremiah 17:9

These emotions, while fine when firmly under control, are dangerous when they rule the mind and decisions. It is said that a man can marry a woman physically in his mind in about fifteen seconds and a woman can marry a man emotionally in the same.

In other words, men find it easy, at least in their minds, to become physically attached. Likewise, women find it easy to become emotionally attached. Both of these mental attachments provide temptation to sin when there is no commitment. As Joshua Harris says, “Intimacy is the reward of commitment.” If there is no defined commitment, then there can be no biblical attachment. If the couple is pursuing marriage, then there is some sort of commitment, and a certain amount of attachment is healthy.

“Intimacy is the reward of commitment.”

Joshua Harris;
I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Fornication, however, is an abomination to the Lord, because it is stems from the same attitude as adultery. That means that even a simple kiss breaks the seventh commandment, which is “You shall not commit adultery.” By doing what society calls an innocent expression of love, a couple is actually bringing judgment on themselves. That is not a way to express love and respect for God or each other.


Thanks for stopping by! This summer, we’re focusing on the theme of Christian romance, and this series takes a close look at the problems and benefits of both dating and courtship. Hope to see you next week as we talk about friendship and the main problems with dating from a biblical standpoint.


*Note: A full bibliography from this series will be released at the end of the series. Any statistics, articles, books, or websites will be included.

*DISCLAIMER: In light of the controversy over Joshua Harris’ book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” I considered removing it from this series. However, during the time that he wrote it, he was seeking the Lord and His will for Christian romance. It is for that reason that I decided to retain his quotes. I do not agree with his recent choices and apostasy from the faith.

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