Principles of Dating and Courtship Part 8

The best thing for young singles to keep in mind as they consider a relationship is that their unmarried years are a gift from God.

As with every other blessing and gift that comes down from the Father of Lights, these years are to be used to glorify Him and not to worry about what could be with so-and-so, or what might have been with such-and-such. This time is for serving God to the best of one’s ability, using the flexibility to serve in the church and the community.

There are some things that only singles can do, simply because they are unattached and free. “Each season [of life] builds on the one before it,” Joshua Harris says. How you spend your single years is the foundation you will build on when you are no longer single. This should be kept closely in mind when a young person is considering a relationship, because the strongest foundations are built on focusing on God and His will for your life.

“Each season of life builds on the one before it.”

Joshua Harris;
I Kissed Dating Goodbye

In courtship, the idea is to be careful to lay this foundation with the wisdom and accountability of older, stronger Christians. By doing this, both people in the relationship are going to be seeking the will of God and, further, their own ultimate good. If, partway through the process, it is determined that the match is not to be, then, as brothers and sisters in Christ, it would be the most loving thing they could do for each other to halt the process and admit that it is not God’s will.

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”

C. S. Lewis

After all, as C. S. Lewis once said, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” This is real love. This also means, if it is the right person but the wrong time, waiting to disclose one’s intentions and feelings. If it is meant to be, then it will still be meant to be whenever the time is right. If a young person’s guardians have some objection in regard to his/her youth, continuing education, or maturity, it would be most wise to heed their counsel and wait.


God invented time, and urges us in Scripture to be patient. This article is one of the hardest to take, but it’s so important for us as Christians. Next week in Part 9 of our series, we’ll be talking about the characteristics we need in any relationship, namely respect, humility, and purity. Hope to see you then!


*Note: A full bibliography from this series will be released at the end of the series. Any statistics, articles, books, or websites will be included.

*DISCLAIMER: In light of the controversy over Joshua Harris’ book, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” I considered removing it from this series. However, during the time that he wrote it, he was seeking the Lord and His will for Christian romance. It is for that reason that I decided to retain his quotes. I do not agree with his recent choices and apostasy from the faith.

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