If you know me well, you’ll know that I am fiercely loyal and I hate change. Some of you may also know that, in the last three years, my life has been changing constantly. My dear friends and family have been pulled away. Some of them are hurting, some of them are out of contact, but I worry about all of them. I miss them. Circumstances in my life have changed, too. Not all bad changes, but changes nonetheless.
As a person who hates change, it’s a lot to process. I’ve been bouncing between the different textbook stages of grief for the last year or so: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. None of this is wrong.
The thing that seems crazy in all this is that I am also grateful for the changes, even the ones I despise. Because even though I miss my friends and wish things could go back to the way they were, I realize that things are now the way they should be, because God has not left His throne. He has chosen these circumstances for this season of time.
To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck what has been planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, and a time to lose; A time to keep, and a time to throw away; A time to tear, and a time to sew; A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; A time of war, and a time of peace Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
God is reminding me that He is in control, not me.
I am also reminded that God is good.
If God is in control and God is good, then the current circumstances are good in accomplishing His will in my life.
My feelings tell me it hurts too much to continue, but my mind know that God is using the pain to draw me closer to Him so I can love Him more.
"What profit has the works from that in which he labors? I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." Ecclesiates 3: 9-11